Stone Cold Rock Wall

Stone Cold Rock Wall



I would have written
"Something there is
that doesn't love a wall,
that wants it down,"
but Robert Frost took my words
years before my birth
and pre wrote my thoughts.

That's ok, so long as I have the
words to use, and I can say
what I need with his well written verse.

Walls between you and me
were just not meant to be,
and words are not sufficient to
build or to tear them down.

Years of actions misunderstood,
cemented into place by rock hard hurt,
and stone cold criticisms,
built these walls of shabby black rock.

Perhaps no wrecker in the world
could break the mortar and stone that divides us,
but we could sit astride the wall
and visit on the top.

Poems from Guardian Angel

Assignment to myself


Bind oh my heart,
the tempter's power.
No place in my life may he share.
See that I fall not again to sin,
and conquer with spirit my flesh.
Bind evermore the tempter's snares
That weaken my strength and destroy
Make my heart pure from sin.
My personal millennium.






IDENTITY

Who are you?
And
What makes you so good?
You're nothing but a
blue rose
wilting
in the
desert
sun
dying
for lack
of water.









a leaf
early morning sun
lighted a small leaf
bursting the newly pressed road
of gravel and black tar
to make its way
to light and life.
"Awake oh, my soul"
Are you not stronger
than a leaf?

Peace, Be Still

WIND

I have tried to sense
A beauty in the wind
and hear a song
in the screeching gale,
to feel refreshed
by the bracing onslaught
of hurricane furry
pushing against my strength
wanting, somehow,
to make it
a thing of beauty.

But I have failed.

So I take pleasure
in the peace
that follows the wind,
while wanting it to stop.
I cannot sit and wait
but must walk ever onward
through the day
yearning
for that moment of calm
when my Savior stretches
his loving arms toward me
to say,
"Peace, be still."

Serve Those With Whom You Live

SERVICE

“My Lord, my God.” I cried in prayer.
My love for thee is great.
I want to show this love for Thee
before it grows too late

Is there nothing thou would need
Which I can freely give?
The spirit whispered back to me
“Serve those with whom you live.
“Serve those who live near by each day,”
The spirit calmed my heart
”Feeding lambs you know who stray
Would make a real good start.”
I thought of scripture stories true
to build my life a plan
“Through acts of gentleness and love,
you serve your fellow man.”
Daily, in the way He served,
Christ marked for us the way.
The prophets showed us service too,
In acts from day to day

Show service to my fellow man
while seeking not for praise
Is serving well my Father, God,
to him my thanks I’ll raise.
All I do and all I am are gifts from me to God,
With this in mind each day I live,
I’ll grasp the Iron Rod.






LoLyn Jacobs 12 9 99
To My Daughter, Lynae

Hoe to the End of the Row

Bind oh my heart,

Assignment to myself
Bind oh my heart,
the tempter's power.
No place in my life may he share.
See that I fall not again to sin,
and conquer with spirit my flesh.
Bind evermore the tempter's snares
That weaken my strength and destroy
Make my heart pure from sin.
My personal millennium.

I didn't say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it.

"I didn't say it would be easy, I said it would be worth it" reads the words on a picture of Jesus. My daughter said, sure it's not easy, but when will it be worth it?" I had just figured that out a few hours before and was able to give her this answer: When you learn to love yourself as much as Jesus loves you, no matter what mistakes you have made no matter what other people are saying about you, and no matter how things around you are going. That is when it is worth it, and that is the only thing that matters. It still doesn't make it easy, but it sure makes it worth it.

Grandma's quilt with Kid's handprints

Unfold this little pillow
and you will have a quilt,
Place it at an angle, or
at a different tilt.

Underneath and through it
are precious little prints
of grandkids who helped make it
And that will give you hints:

Whenever you need warming
on the outside or within,
Put these little handprints on--
the love and hugs begin.

The Man I Loved

Enmemorium: Sterling Bigler was killed in a bus accident a mid 1990's. I had moved away by then and he never remarried. He was one of the loves of my life.

NOVEMBER 1990

Dear Brother B:
You tell me that you are not married again because you have not met the right women.
That sounds strange to me because I feel as if we have known each other for an eternity.
We met over eight years ago when you adjusted me in Dr. John Brimhall’s office in Holbrook.
We officially me again as singles last winter at a singles ice cream social.
We have seen each other at least once a week for over a year.
Your parents have met me and encouraged me to be pushy.

This is a subject which I have made a matter of much prayer
And even through the past year, seeing you every week I have not felt ready to be married again either.
When I pray about the feelings I have for you my answer has always been,
You are a good match for me and I am a good match for you.

Some friends and acquaintances have made such suggestions as,
“You deserve better.” What do they know what I deserve?
But my answer to them has been just what the Lord’s answer has been to me repeatedly:

“What better could I ask for than a man who has and honors the priesthood?
Who can make me laugh when I am in pain.
Who can relieve my feet by rubbing them;
And relieve my tension just by listening and talking with me?
Everything else I can have from other people in my life, if I need anything more.

I have heard you say that you can’t afford to get married,
But that goes against all the advice we were given as young adults, and still applies to old single adults:

To go forth with marriage and then conquer the financial and emotional problems together as a team.

You joke that you want a wife that is beautiful, intelligent and rich.

What you need is a woman who can love you unconditionally.

Even in light of all your disabilities.
And a woman who can encourage you to go forth and be all you can be.
A woman who holds the gospel dear and honors the priesthood you hold.
You need a companion and a friend for those lonely years ahead
when the boys are all gone and you are alone.
You need a woman that makes you like yourself better when you are with her.
I am a woman that does that for you.
I don’t need your income, your body or your status as a chiropractor.
I need your spirit, and your love and for you to let me love you.
If I am getting one answer from the Lord
And you are not getting the same answer,
I believe it is because we are not asking the same questions.
Give it an open chance.
Pray about marriage; pray about me as your eternal companion.

Pray about having the courage to take the quantum Leap of faith.
Into a marriage that will benefit both of us for all eternity.

Think about it while you are in the temple Saturday

ROBERT BROWNING WROTE;

GROW OLD ALONG WITH ME
THE BEST YET TO COME
THE LAST OF LIFE,
FOR WHICH THE FIRST WAS MADE..



Dec 15,1990

Dear Bishop Smith:

After I talked to you on the phone last month about Sterling and I thought it best to not "go behind his back" so I wrote him this letter.

I knew he had spoken with you about it, because he very vageuly mentioned that "when Bishop Smith asked if I was afraid to get married, I told him 'no, I just haven't met the right woman yet"

He has totally ignored the issue of your talk or my lettter since that time, although we have spent many hours talking about many things since then, and he still seems to enjoy me being there, and enjoy our talks.

He lets me help him by typing letters for him and giving him things, and of course he helps me in many ways. I guess I just don't understand how, and why he can completely ignore the issue, when we can talk so openly about everything else.

I know it would be more proper to talk to my Bishop about this type of problem, but my Bishop doesn't know and understand Sterling, so he can't shed much light on the matter.

It's not so much that I'm all raring and anxious to get married , but it would help him so much, and it would be so good for us to let down on one area of stress, just to have one another to love.(not that I think marriage doesn't have it's stresses, I just think we could deal with those in a positive way.)

When I dream, and when I pray, and when I wake up in the night, I am thinking of him and praying for him, and I don't understand why it is so difficult for him to pray about it, or let in an answer, or at very least tell me an answer, not just pretend the issue doesn't exist.

If he would even talk to me about it, and tell me,"Lynda the answer to my prayers is: I don't want to get married. . . I don't want to marry you. . . at all. . . at this time. . . any time. . .my boys don't want me to get married. . . to you. . . to anyone. . . "

Or any answer at all would be better than not talking about it.
I guess I know you don't really have the answers, but I'm so frustrated with it all. If he wants me to back off and pretend I am "just a friend" or stay away alltogether, or whatever, I just need to know where we stand.

In several conversation it sounded like he was going to bring it up but he would change in the middle and go off on some tangent. He even mentioned how important it was to have a third party enter into some conversations that are too difficult to do alone. But you kow Sterling well enough to know he could have been thinking of something enterely different.

Thanks for "listening"

Tonight is as singles dinner dance in Snowflake. The young singles are putting it on and invited us oldies. I'm looking forward to going. My girlfriend is going to come by for me in a few minutes.
(She didn't get here until after 7 so we missed the dinner and only got in on the tail end of the entertainment but it was ok.) Tonight is a fireside in Show Low, maybe we'll do better with that. We had a great car pool to Show Low. Three of us “ladies" piled in the back seat of Sterling's little car, and Sterling and Michael were in the front. One lady got a ride in another car to go home. It was like a bunch of teen agers; the fireside speaker was b-o-r-i-n-g but the refreshments and ride is what it is all about. Sterling walked me around the side of the church to my car when we got back to Taylor and I took his arm and showed him some constellations in the night sky. . . any excuse was good enough for me. that was all last week, this was an old letter being updated. I guess I saw Sterling every day this week.

I told Sterling this week,if he didn't like me being forward he would have to hit me over the head with a 2X4, but he said he liked it and needed it.

He really; gets excited about his reading lessons.(He had some kind of stroke.) He has worked so hard to develop his own phonetic rules, which are pretty accurate, and got really excited when I showed him a book with them already in it. We read over a technical medical article and I showed him that the prefixes and root words gave clues to the pronunciation and meanings of words and he was so excited about that.

I took Jenny for an adjustment and he was telling her about our reading lessons and what fun it was. . he’s never embarrassed about learning something new; he is so teachable its great. I even did some counseling with him by reading his palm and told him things I had figured out about him and he was excited to learn about that too! I'd day one in a million would be so teachable. Besides he is great foot rubber and sticks to the feet and adjusting for touch.

He is starting to reciprocate my forwardness and is complementary and tells me about telling his friend Michael what an interesting fun person I am. Sterling suggested I invited Michael over with his boys for dinner so I did just to be nice, and Michael was really confused because Sunday at the fireside it seemed apparent to everyone except Sterling that we were falling in love; but then Michael gets confused a little more easily than most anyway; but he told Sterling that I had asked him over and Sterling pretended surprise and said, "ooh great that's wonderful, you will really enjoy her.' so Michael was even more confused and blew Sterling away by asking, "when are you getting married?" Apparently it didn't bother him as much as he said, because he told me about the conversation.

That’s the really fun thing. We talk about everything. Jenny was surprised while we were there about the things we talked about. We ended up getting stood up all around. Michael said he would let me know about dinner, so when he hadn't called back by Saturday afternoon, I told Sterling I assumed that he wasn't coming, Then Sterling, yes, Sterling, got upset with Michael for not showing up, but said, "well I won't give on him for that." So I told Sterling and his boy to come on over and eat Michael's Navajo tacos. Sterling said they probably would come, but didn't show, so I called and said, "does this mean no?"

He just laughed and asked if he could take a rain check. I think I'll just stick to dropping in on him at his house, because I am not sure he could find his way across town if he decided to! You would kind of have to be around us to understand why I don't just throw up my hands and holler quit; but there is so much when we are together, but I just have learned to wait until we are together to expect anything.

everything was ok. He told her Dee had called, and she relayed the message. I got all silly and stamped my feet, and said he never calls in the morning, I hope he calls back this evening. Sterling was standing there looking at me, and says, "now where does he live,?" I hadn't mentioned him so I just said, as Vegas, we’ve been pen pals for about a year and a half. "

Sterling looked funny and said, "oh, that’s good; that’s real good."
But I could hear a hint of competition. Then Dee called back in the evening and asked about my new chiropractor friend, "uh, does she have a family?" I said, yes three boys with him and his girl lives with his ex, wife, and ,
'Dee said, "oh, that’s nice, that's really nice that you have a good friend. I didn't set them to make them each jealous, but it was kind of fun. Then Monte called to say he didn't make it I guess, so we talked a while, but after Dee and Sterling, talking to Monte is a very patient skill and just doesn’t excite me very much, though he is very nice, for someone else.

Psychological evaluation: Lynda is in her second adolescents and is having a great time flirting with men in theirs. Sterling is still in love with his wife and afraid of relationships with women so he is a safe comfortable friend,and Dee may be in prison for several more years if this first attempt at parole fails in July. MMichael might be looking to get serious with someone after being a widow 2 years so he is not safe, therefore, not interesting. Conclusion. Lynda is as nut, but then we all knew that.


Sterling and I were talking after Larry left about Larry's fear of impotence. He's a 32 year old virgin, and not sure if he can hold a hard or use it so he was pumping Sterling for vitamins and mineral information that would help him be potent. We were kind of laughing at him when he left, but I think we both felt the same fear ourselves and so we were more laughing at ourselves. I tried to assure him that it wasn't important how we perform, and he was saying the same.

I can't believe the intimate easy conversations that we have and yet for me to say out loud, I love you Sterling, even though I had practiced and practiced. . . I would sit on the arm of the chair and say 'I love you Sterling, Merry Christmas, and kiss him gently on the forehead and move a way quickly,. . . .but I said, 'well, have a good trip and drive carefully. Let me know when you get back."

And he said, yea, I'm taking Spencer along to poke me so I'll stay awake.

And I left.

We can stare into each other's eyes as we talk or not talking with no shift from embarrassment, and once in a while he leans into my knee on the adjusting table while he talks about things. I love him and he loves me, but I just can't seem to get him to admit it, nor can his Bishop.


Sterling was happy that I gave him a shirt, and his boys gave him a slip over he was wearing.. . he looked great in it. His had been so shabby and stained, and frayed.
I stayed a couple of hours, he had another patient, and we talked a long time. The boys were holed up in their room with their Christmas

Sterling said, Larry Bigler is coming over right now, do you know him? I asked is he single. He said yes, and described him and said he was about 30 or so.

I said you'll have to fix me up with someone older than that if you want to get me off your back. '

"I'm not going to fix you---up with anyone."

"Does that mean you like me on your back?"

"I'm not saying." red blush
"Well, I'll take it as a yes."

Later we were talking about dreams, and I said, "I had a neat one the other night, I dreamed I was kissing you and I was saying, I don't want to open my eyes because I'll wake up and I want to stay right here. . . then I opened my eyes and you were still there, but I was still dreaming, and when I really woke up it was like, 'where did he go?"

He got as kick out of that and acted like it didn't embarrass him too much, but seemed to rather enjoy it.

Blue rose

IDENTITY

Who are you?
And
What makes you so good?
You're nothing but a
blue rose
wilting
in the
desert
sun
dying
for lack
of water.


Comment: there were no blue roses in the 60's.

Bind the tempter's power

Assignment to myself
Bind oh my heart,
the tempter's power.
No place in my life may he share.
See that I fall not again to sin,
and conquer with spirit my flesh.
Bind evermore the tempter's snares
That weaken my strength and destroy
Make my heart pure from sin.
My personal millennium.

One step toward the darkness

FREE AGENCY



One step towards the darkness
is all I'm asked to take,
one reach toward the unknown
I'm just encouraged to make.

The walls of life surround me
encircling my soul
the walls screen out the future,
protect me from the whole.

One step without knowing
what my future brings
is all that I can manage
this gives my spirit wings.-

Step by step I progress
pushing back the walls.
In faith I venture forward
Love softening the falls.

This life is grand and awesome.
Great triumphs can I win.
What I now see as challenge
are the stumbling blocks within.

Our Savior said, "Just trust me,
I'll do for you what's best."
One step into darkness,
to God I'll leave the rest.

Stepping into darkness
pushing back the walls,
stretching toward eternal life,
frees me to choose the calls.

My last wish

Decorate my grave not
with brakish plastic flowers
Mocking natures' reality

Rather punctuate your days
with acts of love and kindness

One to another and
scatter handsfull of wild flowers
or garden blossoms upon me
to remind you that

loving acts and feelings
must be repeated daily
so that love can be eternal.

These are some of the poems I have written over the last 50 years.



I started writing poems in early childhood, and my mother encouraged me and saved them.



I started writing down stories in fifth grade.



I am so happy when I substitute teach in elementary school to see the posters on "the writing process".



Sometimes I share a story I've written with the children.

You can do that too, by reading my blog on children's stories. Those are all written by me. You have permission to use them, but please use my name and Growing Tpgether Counseling & Education when you share them. Thank you.

Where is my world?

Alien

Where is my world?
Where is my galaxy?
An alien to this planet,
lost and hungry
for a place to call home,
Starving to be loved,
to love again
as in my inner memories
of eternal worlds
I was once allowed to do.
Is there among all the species
of this planet called earth
a soul compatible to mine? "Worlds without end"--- Where is mine?


Lynda Jacobs 5-90
_

In most of my prayers

My prayers

In most of my prayers

I pray for my health,

for strength to do all I need.

I pray for peace and protection from harm

and I pray for my children indeed.

There's times when I can't understand the pain

and the sorrow I've faced

at times when I cry with all of my soul


that my life has been such a waste.

But a comforting touch, a soft whispered word

comes into my spirit at times

to tell me of joy and peace I have found

with every trial I've faced.

I don't know what’s coming:

I still ask for peace;

I know I have learned more from stress.


From having the pain, my joy is enhanced,

And I’ve learned and I've grown from the tears

Was it Alma??*

Was it Alma??*

Where has it gone?
The little sprout that grew to be
Great and lovely giant tree
That through my life protected me?
Why has it gone? and where can it be?
It couldn't have gone when I didn't see.
Its branches were home and protection from harm.
Its limbs formed a shelter that kept my soul warm.
But today there's no sprout, no branches or leaves
Where has it gone? What's happened to me?
Can there still be a sprout from a seed in my heart
Alma has said, "that's where it can start."
Having grown the tree once but cast it away
Could I grow it again
if I start to obey?
I want that protection
that shelter, that love,
I need all the strength
that comes from above.
Father, I need you,
your sweet tender touch.
Come to me; I'm ready.
I've missed you so much.

Bi Polar Life time

I am blue, I am yellow.
In this lies all the extremes of human emotion.
Doctors call me bi-polar and treat illness with drugs.
Drugs channel the moods narrow the channels.
Oral chemical creates in me
Peace which others self produce.
This my cross, my burden to bare.
My weakness has come strength.
My eyes I have seen the world in
sun lit color and toneless shades of grey.
Faces are reflected rainbows,
and smiling friendships
or I feel cruel dull and senseless,lost in a fog.
To some I am manic depressive.
through time and space
Kites, blown windward fly in a sun lit sky,
plunge to earth when freed by the broken string,
in terror to all who watch to control or lend a hand.

I grope to know myself.
Those who surround me fear my change
My children love me in spite of fears.
Medication binds me to the earth
holds my soul within my body,
The spirit tugs to be free to soar,
the depths of hell gape to destroy my light.

When moving in the comfort range
the flood gate opens.
Torrent carries me to a new channel.
within the channel is a learned response.
feelings, choosing thoughts;
That I have little choice.
Only choice of thoughts determine the course I will take,
I can no more choose the gate
than choose the shape of the clouds.
Drugs control the gate and
bring me down from my rainbow.
I resent the ties but have learned gratitude.

I know beyond the rainbow lies unbridled euphoria,
flight into fantasy escape from the bounds of earth,
to crash like the kite, in terrifying free fall
through blinding light to crushing darkness.
Those who live daily a 10 point scale of emotion,
spend most of your days at four to seven,
never comprehend a 12 or
a plunge to sub zero of utter despair.
joy of rainbows and laughter sensuous pleasures
are only heightened the contrasting grays of death.
in sun lit color time exists no grays,
Nor can color and brightness in the grey time.
this is my cross, my laughter, burden, my joy
and faith and study of self
bring me closer to the center line.
Meds will control the swings while I learn the talent it takes
to control my brain chemicals
I will depend on the arm of flesh,
chemicals given by the Lord to man for my protection,
LoLyn 2-90

Stone Cold Rock Wall

Stone Cold Rock Wall

I would have written
"Something there is
that doesn't love a wall,
that wants it down,"
but Robert Frost took my words
years before my birth
and pre wrote my thoughts.

That's ok so long as I have the
words to use and I can say
what I need with his well written verse.

Walls between you and me .
were just not meant to be
and words are not sufficient to
build or to tear them down.

Years of actions misunderstood
cemented into place by rock hard hurt
and stone cold criticisms
built these walls of shabby black rock.

Perhaps no wrecker in the world
could break the mortar and stone that divides us,
but we could sit astride the wall
and visit on the top.

Lynda Jacobs 3-90 Dedicated in this blog, 2009 to my ex's, my children, and siblings.

Lord will take the chisel to finish the sculpture

The Monument of Our Lives
By LoLyn


If I were a sculptor, wanting to capture the beauty of an idea to last eternally, I would be most careful in selecting the media. My children have some silly putty that is very soft and pliable. It is easy to mold and erase and change, but soon after it is set aside it returns to its original smoothness, no impression remains for very long. It is pliable and soft, and offers little resistance to the artist, neither does it offer any lasting value as a piece of art.
Sandstone grave markers in cemeteries stand year after year in the wind and rain, and the names and etchings are all but erased. Yet, there, in the same graveyards, stand monuments of granite and marble, on which the imprints chiseled with great effort against much resistance still shine brightly, reflecting the talents of the original artists.
We are all artists building monuments for eternity. If we build our lives against little or no resistance, we will make an imprint on eternity that will soon fade away becoming unreadable. But if we expend the effort to chisel our image into marble or granite, the monument will be a beautiful and lasting contribution to our eternal family circle.
To chip away at granite takes great strength and perseverance; one must take the tiniest slivers and be willing for the statue to look unfinished for a very long time. Keeping in mind the thought of the sculptor Michelangelo, it is not what is taken away, but that which remains that makes the statue beautiful.
Onlookers in our lives may stand back and say, "Look, I am finished with my clay statue; it is shiny and it is beautiful. Your rock has no shape. In fact I can see no changes in it since you brought it from the quarry. It is still rough and gray." Such criticisms may tempt us to trade the granite for softer clay, or to give up entirely, because of the contrast we seem to perceive between our own work and our neighbors' more visible results.
But we must look at that granite rock and the very small scratches we have made to see in it the image that it holds, continuing to chip away day by day, always letting the Lord guide our hand, being content to know that God can see the marks. Let critics enjoy their clay statues while they last.
It isn't a contest between this granite sculpture and the neighbors' statues of clay. It is only a matter of continuing to make an effort against the very resistant granite. When at last we have done all it is possible for us to do, and the time comes to face our Lord will take the chisel from our hand to finish the sculpture in the form we envisioned together before the world began.

Run,oh my soul

TO LENGTHEN MY STRIDE


Run,oh my soul,

Run til my heart pounds

and my lungs burn

Run til my legs beg

to be freed.


Run on, to the top of the hill

cease not til I reach the mark

til my race is run.


Then push on

for in running comes

strength anew

and distance

yet undreamed.

I've learned

My prayers

In most of my prayers
I pray for my healthfor strength
to do all the things that I need.
I pray for peace and protection from harm
and I pray for my children indeed.
There's times when I can't understand the pain
and the sorrow I've faced
and times when I cry with all of my soul
that my life has been such a waste.
But a comforting touch, a soft whispered word
comes into my spirit those times
to tell me of joy and peace I have found
with every trial i've faced.
I don't know wha'ts coming;
I still ask for peace.
I know I have learned more from stress.
From having the pain, my joy is enhanced
And I've learned and I've grown from the tests.

"Peace, be Still"

WIND

I have tried to sense
a beauty in the wind
and hear a song in
the screeching gale,
to feel refreshed
by the bracing onslaught
of hurricane furry
pushing against my strength
wanting, somehow, to make it
a thing of beauty.
But I have failed.
So I take pleasure
in the peace that follows the wind,
while wanting it to stop
I cannot sit and wait
but must walk ever onward
through the day
yearning for that moment of calm
when he stretches his loving arms toward me
To say "Peace, be Still"

do your thoughts match mine

Words


Can it be
The words we speak,
Though similar in sound,
are worlds apart in meaning?

Would I had an instrument
to measure intent
Whgen your eyes meet mine
and stir my heart.

Is it but flattery and fun
to catch my gaze
and pass the time?
Or do your thoughts match mine?

the singles fall conference

Singles Conference

T'was the singles fall conference and all through the bus
There was yawning and groaning, beginning with us.
The bus rambled forward in lurches and waves,
Making me wonder why I'd been such a knave.
Coming to conference with odds ten to one
Was just overwhelming, but I vowed to have fun.
I flirted and chatted and made conversation
At breakfast I wandered from station to station.
It seemed all in vain, though I was really quite willing
To make this a weekend of romance quite thrilling.

When what to my wondering eyes appeared on the scene
Big Ronald Fisher the once model marine.
He stood six feet all, not a frightening sight.
He'd danced with me twice at the dance last night.
"Come sit with me Lynda," he said with a grin.

I ran to obey, t'was not hard to give in.,
We sat and we shared all the things we had learned
of loving and living without getting burned.
Then off to another when we left the bus,
making it clear that "we" were not "us".
The day was exciting the workshops quite nice.
I learned a few names, and got hugged once or twice.
I knew I was with it when I said with a smile.
"I like me now better than I have for a while,."

Ronald was checking each lady that day
Overwhelmed and quite grateful he'd decided to stay.
He sat down with me on the 2 hour ride
by Flagstaff I felt some new feelings inside.

At dinner we chatted in a small group of 3. Three brothers that is, and one sister, that's me. Then on to the ball room I flew like a flash. to greet at the door and make one final pass
The race was not ended as it grew to a close.
The competition narrowed to me and one rose.

She had to leave early, I had the last dance. The fate of this act gave me one final chance.
"She's georgious and glamerous, one bautiful doll, but get this Sister J, you're one cute little gal."

I could't say different to agree was so easy.
Cause Big Brother Fischer left Flagstaff with measy.

Woman is that she might love a child

PURE JOY

This is the purest form of joy.
My love and I with God
have created a new life.
And I have felt it move within me.
Surely no joy can compete.

This, then is joy supreme,
I hold that new life in my arms
A spirit so newly come from Heaven.
this is my joy complete.

No more joy can fill my heart.
My soul could not hold more.
My child walks along with me
and talks of God, and life and love.

But, what? there is more than joy,
my child speaks to me
of dreams and fears
and all his thoughts
and trusts me to understand and heal.

Where in the folds of time unknown
lies the limits to my joy?
Not in this life, nor on this earth,
but long past eternity,.

"Man is that he might have joy,"and Woman is that she might love a child

A song I learned in counseling classes

A song I learned in counseling classes.

I'm letting go of all the fears
that make my life so lost and lonley;
I don't have to be afraid
of what the world can do to me.
I'm learning how to love and
l love is stronger than my fears can be

I'm learning how to love myself,
I'm learning to be free.

I'm letting go of all demanding
To have things my own way,.
I' don't have to control you,
It's not worth the price I pay
I'm learning that to love
I don't have to have my way'
I'm learning how to love myselfmore and more each day.

You can always hug a baby

HUGS




You can always hug a baby when things don't go just right
You can use that cuddly baby
To hide tears out of sight.

You can trust a baby's smiles
To help you through a spot!
You can go for miles and miles
When you love a little tot.

If all else fails there's baby
to love and talk about.
When talk's no more than "maybe"
There's baby to bail you out.

Where baby is there's always love
No matter how bad your day. Baby's were sent from up above
To cheer us on our way.

we are not like these'

Relief Society?


The sisters gathered at heat of day
To rest in the shade while the children play
And each in her very own way proclaimed
Faults of her neighbor and all defamed.

The first, of her fine neighbor , said,
"She'll not go to heaven when she is dead.
I've never seen her kneel in prayer
And as for church, she's never there."

Another whose name was passed about
Was said to be "a lazy lout."
Her house lies hidden in clutter tall
and trash and dirt are over all."

"I know one sister down the street
Whose short comings just cant be beat.!"
"She has no food supply at all
And never bottles in the fall.!"

Another had no garden plants
And never mended childrens' pants.
Still of others it was said,
"Their children straight to Satin had led."


Which was the worse sin of all they had listed
None really knew, but each one insisted
That surely our Savior couldn't be pleased
with those who through life so carelessly breezed.

The kneeling at night with habitual ease
Prayed thankfully "we are not like these'
And asked, "help me keep showing my love for theeby kindness and love to all I see."

Little ray of sunshine

Glimpses





Little ray of sunshine
covered up with mud
let me hold you now
before you melt away.






Little boy in Daddy's boots
Too soon you'll walk in them
but cuddle for a minute
in my lap
and
be my baby boy.






Ball of ice
curled
into
yourself

Melt
and
stretch
to welcome the warm blanket,
and turn
to receive
your mother's
warming kiss.






























You can always hug a baby when things don't go just right
You can use that cuddly baby
To hide tears out of sight.

You can trust a baby's smiles
To help you through a spot!
You can go for miles and miles
When you love a little tot.

If all else fails there's baby
to love and talk about.
When talk's no more than "maybe"
There's baby to bail you out.

Where baby is there's always love
No matter how bad your day. Baby's were sent from up above
To cheer us on our way.



******


























It's little things I'm thankful for; that babies don't come by the score That fruit trees don't
bear all one day that some things for next week can stay.

I'm glad there's
night between each day
And summer work's a year away.
The cold of winter lasts a while
So I can face it wilth a smile.

I'm glad the sky is blue, not grey,
And I like rain, but not to stay;
And I love babies when they come.
But I'm glad to have them one by one.

















































"A pain in the neck
or a lump in the throat."
my mother always said.

"From the time they get up
all the while they play
'til after they've all gone to bed."

The pain just gets bigger
the lumps grow too,
until it seems you will break

'Cause you can't ease the pain
for the lump in your throat
when you've had
all the joy you can take.












































This is the purest form of joy.
My love and I with God
have created a new life.
And I have felt it move within me.
Surely no joy can compete.

This, then is joy supreme,
I hold that new life in my arms
A spirit so newly come from Heaven.
this is my joy complete.

No more joy can fill my heart.
My soul could not hold more.
My child walks along with me
and talks of God, and life and love.

But, what? there is more than joy,
my child speaks to me
of dreams and fears
and all his thoughts
and trusts me to understand and heal.

Where in the folds of time unknown
lies the limits to my joy?
Not in this life, nor on this earth,
but long past eternity,.

"Man is that he might have joy,"
and Woman is that she might be a mother.

We can have both love and chastity

CHASTITY


We can walk along the river and watch the water flow,
We can climb a hill together and let our new love grow.
We can sit beside the temple and watch the flowers grow.

We can have both love and chastity, I know.
There are things we do together that show our love for God
There are thoughts we'll share forever as we hold the iron rod.

Time is just a tiny dot in our eternal plan,
We will have both love and chastity. We can.

miracles service to his mother

Lord would never give us commandments to do anything without proving a way for us to accomplish that thing. The Lord has commanded us through his prophets to serve our fellow men. Through his prophets in the Old Testament the lord gave us examples of service. Elijah and Elisha healed leprosy, raised the dead and provided food and sustenance to a widow in exchange for service she gave him through faith.
The New Testament gives examples of the service that Jesus himself performed. His first miracles were a service to his mother at the wedding in Canaan to help her in hospitality. We can serve in many ways. Jesus even taught Mary and Martha, that though preparing food and giving hospitality is important service, the more important service is listening and giving head to the words of Jesus.

In the book of Mosiah, King Benjamin gave his final address to the people, before he presented his son Mosiah to be the new king. He explained to them that all through his life he had served the Nephites, not because it brought him praise or looked good to other people, but because he loved God and loved his fellow men, and by serving his fellow men he was giving service to god.

He also warns us even if we do all we can during our lifetime we are still unprofitable servants.

The parable of the talents is overlooked as a m example of service. We have talents we can use in cheering or calming other people through music, art, or just listening. Gently loving others is a talent we can all develop. Think of the service David gave to King Solomon in his illness and distress he calmed him with the music of his lyre.

The Young women's values include good work and integrity. The importance of those two words coming together demonstrates that doing good work for the right reasons is just as important as the service itself. If we are giving service so that others will admire us, or give us credit or to earn points it is not the right reason. Like King Benjamin, we should be giving service because we love god and want to serve Him.
Because I have been given much, i too must give.. . . . .

Mother, what were those tears

SO NOW I KNOW



Mother, what were those tears

that choked in your throat

whenever I did something grand?

Like sing in the chior,

or bring you a flower

or simply take hold of your hand?


Mother, what were those tears

that you wanted to hide

when I simply said, "I love you."?

and why did you choke

or turn from my glance

to hide those sweet tears from my view?


I can answer those questions with confidence now

that comes from no books I have known

Because I now hide

and sputter and choke

As I worship a child of my own.

love can be eternal

Decorate my grave not
with brakish plastic flowers
Mocking natures' reality

Rather punctuate your days
with acts of love and kindness

One to another and
scatter handsfull of wild flowers
or garden blossoms upon me
to remind you that

loving acts and feelings
must be repeated daily
so that love can be eternal.

GRATITUDE

GRATITUDE

It's little things I'm thankful for
that babies don't come by the score
That fruit trees don't
bear all one day
that some things for next week can stay.

I'm glad there's
night between each day
And summer work's a year away.
The cold of winter lasts a while
So I can face it with a smile.

I'm glad the sky is blue, not gray,
And I like rain, but not to stay;
And I love babies when they come.
But I'm glad to have them one by one.

WIND

WIND

I have tried to sense
A beauty in the wind
and hear a song
in the screeching gale,
to feel refreshed
by the bracing onslaught
of hurricane furry
pushing against my strength
wanting, somehow,
to make it
a thing of beauty.

But I have failed.

So I take pleasure
in the peace
that follows the wind,
while wanting it to stop.
I cannot sit and wait
but must walk ever onward
through the day
yearning
for that moment of calm
when my Savior stretches
his loving arms toward me
to say,
"Peace, be still."

lump in the throat

"A pain in the neck
or a lump in the throat."
my mother always said.

"From the time they get up
all the while they play
'til after they've all gone to bed."

The pain just gets bigger
the lumps grow too,
until it seems you will break

'Cause you can't ease the pain
for the lump in your throat
when you've had
all the joy you can take.